“Geh heh heh heh. I heard about it, Jade. Lately, you’ve been making quite a bit of money, haven’t you?”
“Guh.”
It happened while I was drinking at the restaurant next to the guild. A blond man, all too familiar, draped his arm around my shoulder.
“Why don’t you buy Lua a drink? We’re buddies, right?”
–My friend is incredibly annoying.
This unbearably annoying man’s name is Lua, and he’s mostly found in taverns, a bipedal creature.
“Hey, Jade?”
He’s about 140 centimeters tall, quite short, but he makes up for it with an unnecessarily big attitude and an insane level of perverseness. According to the town’s soldiers, he’s the guy who tried to stuff a goblin into a sex doll to make it move. A dirty, creepy guy.
“Hey, Jade?”
He’s a scumbag, a pervert, and a good-for-nothing, but he’s completely unaware of it, as if he has the same brain capacity as a chick.
Everyone knows his level of stupidity matches that of a troll with an IQ of 3.
“What!?”
He probably doesn’t even remember the bar tabs he made me pay. It would be less painful to keep a chick than to keep him as a friend.
“Why are you keeping a chick on your head? Look up at it, and now look at me… hey, why are you sighing!? What’s with that resigned look!?”
His appearance is quite refined due to certain circumstances, and his pale, youthful look could pass him off as a ‘noble’s pretty boy’, but his personality is so terrible that he gets no attention from women. He’s dumb but sociable, so he has a lot of male acquaintances, but he’s completely shunned by the women.
“Hey!”
Moreover, he’s a bad client who often gets kicked out of brothels for demanding extreme play, ending up banned from many of them.
“J-Jade? Are you, like, totally mocking me in your head right now?”
“That’s Lua, a creature whose life is a complete mess.”
“It’s not over yet! Stop summing up my life like that!”
He yelled, shaking my shoulder.
Come on, give me a break. Having a friend who tries to have sex with a goblin-stuffed doll is seriously embarrassing…
“Sorry, Lua, but I’ve got stuff to do.”
“Stop acting so formal! Come on, hang out with me, best buddy! And maybe buy me a meal too!”
No way. I’m saving up to buy my own house right now.
“Stop clinging to me. Why should I buy you anything?”
“Just hear me out. Actually, I bought a dress for Sharon, so I’m short on money this month…”
By the way, Sharon is the name of his sex doll.
It’s a waste of brain cells to even remember that. I’d rather forget.
“Lua, just because women in town hate you doesn’t mean you should spoil a doll…”
“Shut up, idiot! You don’t understand my feelings at all, moron!”
He hit me with tearful eyes, but it didn’t hurt. My body is that of a wicked dragon, and he has no power at all. Stop with the weak punches, seriously.
“Unlike you, who attracts women, I get avoided by even the shy newcomers! Just the other day, I tried to talk to one, and she screamed and ran away!”
Oh, that must have been Komori.
“Well, you can’t help that. You look creepy when you talk to girls.”
“Creepy!? I swear, I was just being friendly that time!”
“Even so. You’re probably a pervert at a cellular level. Your face automatically looks creepy around women.”
“A pervert at a cellular level!? That’s hopeless!”
Lua shouted that he’s a gentleman, not a pervert.
Yeah, right.
“Damn it, Jade. By the way, I don’t spend all my money on Sharon. I buy stuff like cologne that might make me more attractive.”
“Ah, again?”
Yes, this annoying, perverted, worthless guy is actually in his late twenties and often gets letters from his family asking, “When are you going to settle down?” He then complains to me about it, saying, “If I could, I would, damn it!” Despite all this, he’s very particular about his grooming.
The reason for this is…
“I’m definitely going to make Lady Sara notice me…”
He’s in love with someone.
Apparently, he fell in love with her at first sight. Since then, he’s overhauled his once filthy appearance to pursue attractiveness.
Well… I respect the effort, but…
“Lua, you should give up on her. It’s not going to happen…”
“What!? Sure, Lady Sara is everyone’s dream and out of this world! Not only is she beautiful, but she’s also wise and has revolutionized our lives with her inventions and knowledge! If she hadn’t taught us about germs, we’d still be spreading our waste in the streets and dying from infections!”
Lua shouted passionately.
No, what I mean is not that Sara is out of reach…
“I’m madly in love! A man cannot leave his feelings unspoken and end things! Got it!?”
…Yeah.
It’s impossible to convince him. Honestly, at this rate, he’ll end up single for life, but I’ve never been married either, and I’m living happily now. That’s totally fine.
“Alright, I got it. Sorry, Lua, I was completely wrong.”
“Oh, you understand my love now!”
“Well, yeah. To apologize and show my respect, you can order whatever you want today.”
“Seriously, best friend!?”
Lua shouted with joy. He’s so easy to please.
“Steak! Can I get real ‘beef’ steak, not Minotaur?”
“Yeah, eat as much as you want.”
In this world, ‘beef, pork, chicken, horse’ meat is quite precious.
After all, it’s swarming with monsters. Even if humanity has won land for living, it doesn’t mean monsters are completely gone. A powerful monster invading a livestock area could spell disaster. Even wild chicks get eaten.
“I feel bad, so I’ll split it with you…?”
“No, it’s fine. I actually prefer monster meat.”
“Oh yeah, you said that. It’s tough compared to animal meat, but you’re weird like that.”
Well, that doesn’t bother me.
My dragon jaw can handle tough monster meat, and animal meat isn’t new to me since I had plenty in my previous life. Monster meat tastes fresh and delicious to me.
“You soft-hearted fool, I’m really going to order it!?”
“Do it already.”
…The fact that he keeps checking with me is probably why we’re still friends. I hope he finds someone good someday. Good luck.
“Alright, I’ll take your word. Excuse me, ten beef steaks, please!”
“I can’t pay for that many!”
And you can’t eat that much, don’t get cocky!
【Characters Introduced This Time】
Me: A person who wants to buy a house. Possesses a dragon jaw. Quite strict with perverted friends.
Troll: A miraculous fool with a strong body and an IQ of 3. Used for comparison.
Lua: A generic fool compared to a troll. Despite achieving a look likened to a “beautiful noble boy” through great effort, his filthy interior ruins everything.
Sharon: The sex doll of the above-mentioned person. An entity you can forget. It’s a mystery whether the goblin stuffing succeeded.
