Beneath the canopy of trees where even moonlight couldn’t reach, we moved carefully, muffling our footsteps. There was no telling when we might encounter an elf, so we remained vigilant, scanning our surroundings without fail.
“Eyes that Pierce the Darkness.”
That was the holy art mastered by Shes, designed for nighttime expeditions, and it was what currently allowed me to see so clearly.
Thanks to it, my vision was as bright as daylight. I could see every corner of the forest.
What an incredibly useful technique. I wonder if it could be replicated with magic…
…Hmm?
My gaze fell upon a bush, waist-high, just large enough to conceal someone crouching behind it.
…Oh? It seems I’ve found quite the perfect spot.
“Pardon me for a moment.”
Raising my hand, I signaled to the soldier of the Demon Bear race leading the group, and everyone came to a halt.
“Is something the matter, Lord Alaya ? Do you sense any danger?”
“It’s not an emergency, per se. It’s just…”
Pointing at the bush I’d spotted earlier, I continued:
“I need to relieve myself.”
“…Pardon?”
“I need to answer the call of nature.”
“…Ah, I see. It’s true we haven’t taken a break yet.”
The soldier exhaled a small sigh of relief, as if releasing the tension that had built up.
“This might be our last chance, so let’s rest briefly in the shade.”
“That would be most appreciated.”
I was glad I spoke up. Any longer, and I might have had an embarrassing accident on the back of a zombie soldier.
Carefully descending to the ground, I made my way toward the bush while watching my step. Naturally, Shes followed closely behind me.
“…Shes?”
“Yes, I’m right behind you.”
“No, I mean, I’d rather you didn’t follow me.”
“? Why not?”
Shes tilted his head, genuinely puzzled, and then replied:
“When relieving oneself, one is at their most vulnerable. In enemy territory, that’s arguably the most dangerous moment. Why would it be a problem for me to guard you?”
“…I can’t argue with that.”
Shes was right. In the context of battle, his reasoning was unimpeachable.
But on an emotional level, it was a different story.
“It’s just… I can’t go if someone’s watching.”
Parting the bush, I slipped inside and motioned for Shes to stop just short of entering.
“If something happens, I’ll call out. Can you wait here for me?”
“Understood…”
Though his expression betrayed some reluctance, Shes nodded.
Alright. Time to get this over with.
I found a suitably flat area within the bush. It was about the same size as a private restroom—perfect.
Lowering my pants, I crouched down.
Drip-drip-drip.
A shiver ran through me.
Good, good. Despite the unfamiliar environment, things were progressing smoothly.
“Pardon me—I’ll just take the spot next to you.”
Suddenly, a soft, feminine voice came from behind. Before I could react, someone had slipped into the bush beside me without so much as rustling a leaf.
“I’ve been looking for a good spot, and I just couldn’t hold it anymore.”
It was a young-looking woman with pale lavender hair styled into twin doughnut-like buns. Without hesitation, she removed her undergarments, lifted her skirt, and crouched down, using a wooden staff as support.
Then—
Trickle-trickle-trickle.
Right next to me, she started relieving herself as well.
“Ah… What a relief. That could’ve been bad,” she muttered, even making small talk as she went.
“Out here, you never know when you’ll run into enemies, and finding a spot to go is a life-or-death struggle. I’m so glad I found a comrade at the last minute!”
“…Is that so? Glad to hear it.”
“By the way, where were you conscripted from? Are you an elf drafted from one of the settlements outside the World Tree?”
The woman turned to look at me closely, her gaze scrutinizing. Then her breath hitched.
“…You’re not an elf, are you?”
“As you can see, I’m human. And you’re an elf, correct?”
“But the reaction from the Holy Staff… How?”
“Oh, this?”
Having finished my business, I stood up, pulled up my pants, and retrieved the wooden staff from my pack, which had been hanging off the side.
It was the staff of the elf woman who had previously attacked our medical camp. I had taken it for safekeeping.
“I’ve been carrying it, just in case—”
“Don’t move.”
The elf aimed her staff at me, tilting its tip in my direction, her expression now cold and composed. Holy energy began to gather at its tip.
“That’s the Holy Staff of Iberis… How did you acquire it?”
Her voice was calm, but her eyes were icy as she prepared her magic.
But—
“‘Don’t move’ is my line, elf.”
A sharp blade pressed against the elf’s neck. Without a sound, Shes had leapt over the bush and now stood behind her, his sacred sword at her throat.
It seemed my earlier shout had been enough to alert him that something was amiss.
“Remove that staff from my master. Or would you rather test whether your magic is faster than my blade?”
“…To think I’d let someone get the drop on me.”
The elf let out a small, self-deprecating laugh, falling silent.
Trickle-trickle-trickle.
The only sound was the faint noise of her still relieving herself.
“…Hurry up and finish that, then drop the staff and get on your knees.”
“Hmm? You’re not going to kill me?”
“That depends on my master’s decision.”
“I see…”
The elf seemed to relax slightly, realizing she wouldn’t be immediately executed.
“Still, I’d appreciate a little patience. Once you’ve started, it’s not so easy to stop—like a waterwheel driven by an unrelenting river.”
“Master, may I cut her down now?”
“Wait, wait! Alright, alright… Just twenty more seconds, please?”
After the promised twenty seconds, the elf finished, let go of her staff, and stood up. Shes immediately restrained her, pulling her hands behind her back.
To think I’d run into an elf while relieving myself.
Well, perhaps “encounter” is more accurate. It was an accident, after all.
We managed to subdue her, but…
Can I really call this situation “under control”?
