I was in a room in the barracks, writing in my journal.
It was a diary I’d started keeping since arriving in the duchy, useful for noting down my reflections and knowledge from my past life.
Once I had written a fair amount, I put down my pen to take a break and looked out the window.
The sky was already shrouded in darkness, and lively cheers could be heard from outside the barracks.
The soldiers didn’t have much in the way of alcohol, but by making generous use of the stockpiled rations, they’d created a festive atmosphere, almost like a victory party. Well, they’re just rations, so there’s quantity but not much in the way of taste…
As I was lost in thought, I noticed that my other neighbor had woken up.
“You’re awake, Kurt.”
“This place… I’m… alive?”
Though battered and bruised, Kurt managed to sit up in bed.
If he hadn’t been a knight skilled in wielding aura, he would’ve surely died.
As Kurt expressed his regret over being alive, I took a breath before posing a question that I was fairly certain of.
“Yes, you’re alive… though it seemed like you were looking for a place to die, weren’t you?”
I had realized something while observing Kurt.
At first, I thought he was simply brave, but I was wrong. The reason he stood defiantly before the enemy without retreating was because he actually wanted to die.
“I kept it hidden from the duke… no, I deceived him. No matter how it’s judged, it’s a sin.”
One purpose of Kurt’s plan, it seemed, was to place himself in dangerous situations.
“I’m not here to blame you. I, too, was focused on defeating the enemy; it was simply a convergence of interests.”
Indeed, Kurt may have sought a place to die, but he still had confidence in his plan.
And just as he said, he had demonstrated bravery, holding off numerous foes by himself. I had no intention of criticizing him for that. However…
“There’s just one thing I want to ask you. Why are you in such a hurry to die?”
At that, Kurt drew a deep breath.
“…Do you remember, my lord, the time I got lost on my way to the battlefield and couldn’t reach it?”
I nodded to show that I remembered.
Kurt’s gaze became distant, as though he was looking far away, and he began to speak with a look of regret.
“…Once, I had a comrade who was both a rival and a close friend. We fought on the battlefield together, often arguing over who would achieve greater honor.”
The fact that he spoke in the past tense…
“And then, when the time for war came, I was unable to find the village where I had been assigned to recruit. Looking back, there must have been a traitor within who gave me false orders. By the time I managed to reach the battlefield…”
“The war was already over?”
“Yes,” Kurt replied with a nod.
“What I found on the battlefield was my friend’s lifeless body… I held him close and cried. I was only ashamed of my own inadequacy.”
“Did you never consider revenge?”
“The surrounding nobles had already joined the Bordeaux faction, and there was no appetite for war… And, if I may be selfish, I wanted to die as a knight, like my friend.”
“I see…”
Kurt is an exceptionally skilled knight. It’s likely that whoever betrayed him had handed him false orders out of fear. Such circumstances might even have contributed to Lord Werner’s defeat.
And… Kurt’s story isn’t all that uncommon in these chaotic times.
His strength had already been proven in the recent battle.
I’d very much like him to recover and serve in my ranks.
“Do you intend to carry this regret with you forever?”
Kurt remained silent.
Though I wanted to console him, I imagined his friend would have wanted him to live on. But I wasn’t going to say that out loud.
Even I, having died and been reincarnated, cannot give thanks or apologize to those from my previous life. Only the person themselves can give meaning to those words. I mean, I can’t convey them either.
“I don’t think you need to abandon that feeling. It’s proof of how much you cared for your friend.”
If it were me, I’d rather my friend hold onto a little of that feeling than forget entirely. Still…
“If you find it hard to look forward, could you let me carry a bit of that feeling with you?”
All I can do is hope it won’t become too much of a burden.
